Repost from 8-22-10 - Of Beards and Men

On a whim last week, at the end of a trip to Vegas, when I knew I had some home time coming up, I started a beard.  No particular reason, just felt it was time again to try and sport some hair on my face.  It wasn't No-Shave-November, the date on the calendar was meaningless, yet my testosterone timeclock said it was time again to try.  The following week, I swung by to pick up my brother Ace to attend calling hours for a family friend, and when he got into my car, lo and behold, he was sporting a 5 day old beard too !  We hadn't had breakfast together that last Saturday, like we normally do, but it was likely that day, while I was in Vegas that we both started our beards, having never spoke to each other about it.  I'm not claiming some upspoken beard physic power, but was it conincidence that we both just knew it was time to do this, or something buried deep in our genes that compelled us to whisker up? 

As I write this I am sporting a 3 day old beard. I took a few days off last week at a cottage and on a whim, I started the beard. For most of my adult life, my face has been devoid of hair. My forays into facial hair have all been short-lived and widely spaced. It's not because I can't grow a beard, I grow a great beard. In my youth I could go from clean shaven to full beard in about a week. I had a full mustache by the middle of the 8th grade (Any St. Mary's girls want to back up this claim of mine?). I always attributed it to the enormous amount of testosterone that must flow through my body (I blame this for a lot of my actions). It will be interesting to see this time, how long it takes, and honestly how much comes out gray. I normally keep my face clean shaven, for my wife, my job, and because I look younger without facial hair. This week, however, screw the job, screw looking older, and with apologies to my wife, but I am growing a beard.
The question that now begs to be asked is what kind of beard to grow? Full on fully bearded? Chin Strap? Goatee or Van Dyke? Burnsides? While they each have their individual merits, for me, I always default to a chin strap style ala James Brolin in Hotel. It says "Classy" to me, and for those of you who remember the TV show, he went out with Connie Sellecca every night, so it must be a rocking beard. It's more maintenance than most beards, and you have to get the trimming right, but I think it's worth it.

I could go full on bearded, I've got the genes to do it. My facial hair comes in fully everywhere. I had a

brother who used to try and grow a beard, but it would come in, in patches, like a badly seeded lawn. Not a good look on anyone. He eventually opted for just a mustache, which didn't look half bad. The best quote I have ever heard on growing mustaches came from my Father. I asked him one day why he he didn't grow a mustache, because presumably he could grow a great one (That's where I got my testosterone from). His reply was this... "Willie", he said "I never saw the need to cultivate over my lip, that which grew wild in the crack of my ass! ". I miss my Dad, he was one of a kind.
So why not go fully bearded? For me, it's because I know too soon, I would start to resemble another TV star from my youth, Grizzly Adams. Now Dan Haggerty was a helluva guy, I mean he lived with a bear!! He chopped his own wood, caught his own food,

loved the land and all, but he was missing a key piece. I haven't met the bear yet that can hold a candle to Connie Sellecca. Done deal, can't do it. Given time I could see myself fully bearded ala Papa Hemingway, but I think I am a few years away from being able to pull it off. I do spend a lot of time practicing the drinking part of being Papa Hemingway, or so say a lot of my friends. So no full beard for me for now.  I have no comment on Burnsides, but I do have a severe opinion on Goatee's and Van Dyke's. I have lived 43 years and I have found only one single advantage of having this type of beard. It certainly isn't for attracting women, or to look more intelligent. The single use of this type of beard is to instantly distinguish yourself from your evil counterpart, if you are ever transported to an alternate universe by an ion surge during a space storm (Star Trek episode # 33 Mirror, Mirror).

That's the only one. Trust me. I hope you get the opportunity to see me when I can still pull off the beard,

but as I said when I started, these whims are usually short-lived. You may end up having to wait for the Hemingway phase of my life, or who knows, maybe I'll follow my old man's advice. It's done well for me for so long now.

5 original comments follow:


Scott Carey, RGG said...

It has been several months since I succumbed to the swine flu. I was an early statistic to this bug that terrorized the world and pre-occupied the media for months. Eventually, I conquered that nasty bug, but for awhile I wasn't so sure. And as I lay there thinking about what I wanted to wear as the passers by paid their respects and offered their condolences to my family... I pictured them asking "Did he always have a beard"? That bug kicked my butt. And while I found the strength for an occasional shower, there was no way I would be trusting my hands with the triple-blades of death. For the better part of a week, what started as stubble quickly turned to forest. And as I ran my hands across my face, it went from harsh/scratchy to soft and comfortable. But no comments came from the peanut crowd. Each day, my enthusiasm was met with indifference. Upon feeling 'human' again, I decided it was time to return to the living and shave... which meant I needed to find my glasses. It was then that I discovered why the comments had been so few. SALT. It was salt. What had for years been only pepper and for awhile had been salt and pepper, was now just salt. Not particularly noticeable. Not particularly distinguishing. And not particularly welcome!
August 22, 2010 at 1:56 PM

Ben Wickham said...

Billy this post couldn't have come at a better time for me. I have been recently throwing around the idea of growing out my beard and hair while I am in Morocco, just to see what would happen. And I think after reading your post, I have decided to go through with it. Decision isn't final yet, but thanks to you it is leaning much closer to a yes.

August 23, 2010 at 11:37 AM

Bill said...

No better time Benny, and remember this kind of mistake (if you find it to be one)can be removed with a few strokes of a sharp blade. Send pics!!
August 24, 2010 at 6:31 AM

Anonymous said...

From a girl's point of view...even if I am a sister/ No burdock pricks and yes the goatee is named for an obvious reason. I had a goat named Annie that would of won hands down for the salt and pepper goatee contest. Grizzly could be attractive if you were the last man on earth, or practical if you nest in a wooded, woodchuck, cold territory. Maybe for bug catching if you are thinking of buying a Harley. If you must I am inclined to agree with your chin strap, purely for selfish reasons though. We are related and may wind up being seen in public together or in a famiy pic that is indestructable and hanging in at least 10 other homes. Besides I bit the bullet, and have sacrificed painfully I might add, to disguise this upper lip testosterone genetic trait for you brother Bill.

August 25, 2010 at 8:04 PM

Bill said...

Nice comments all. I just realized that I probably just posted my personal mug shot on Facebook. Tell me that if I was involved in a balloon hoax with my kid, or arrested for a drunk and disorderly, that, that isn't the picture everyone would put up.

I met a girl in Philly, whose story was a Dilly......

     I could easily start a hundred different blogs with the opening line, "I met a girl in a bar this time..." but could I write one that was inspirational and that started like that?  I think so.  You be the judge. 

Sean

     I met a girl in a bar in Philadelphia a few months ago.  As aforementioned, this is not an uncommon occurrence for me, however, meeting one with an inspirational story, now that is something else. It was happy hour and a work colleague and I were standing at an upscale martini type bar that was 3 deep with patrons.  It was loud and bustling and the crowd ran more white collar than blue and we were chatting with each other, but also introduced ourselves to a few ladies that were within shouting distance of us.  We became immediate friends with 2 women, fresh from a real estate seminar, seated at the bar, between us and the bartender, and formed a strategic alliance to keep our drinks flowing.  I then turned to my left, which was when I spotted Melissa. She was easy to spot at happy hour, because unlike most of the crowd at a bar after work, she truly looked happy, which was evidenced by the wide smile that was spread across her face.  I think she was there to pick up a takeout order before heading for home.  It would have been easy to start a conversation with her based solely on her smile, but then I noticed a dog eared piece of cardboard or picture stock, rectangular in shape, sticking oddly out of her purse.  I'm a curious guy, so I introduced myself and after exchanging pleasantries, I inquired about the item, and that's when I got to meet Sean. 

     "He's my Lifesaver" she said as she pulled the piece out and turned it over to reveal a picture of a handsome 14 year old boy in a baseball uniform. The picture had been laminated, but showed years of wear on it, and I got the impression immediately that Sean had done some traveling.   I was reminded of my

Flat Stanley meeting the President

kid's elementary school experiences with the "Flat Stanley" project.  Flat Stanley was a series of books that outlined the travels of a kid that was flattened accidentally by a bulletin board and the project was to print a copy of Flat Stanley, color him, and travel places with him and to document your travel with logs and pictures.  I have a work friend that tells a hilarious story of traveling with Flat Stanley one time when her plane had engine difficulties, and had to return to the airport.  He handled the situation much better than she did, and as a matter of fact Flat Stanley was aboard the US Airways flight that landed in the Hudson river a few years ago, but I digress, Melissa carried her picture of her lifesaver, Sean wherever she went just like Flat Stanley, but admittedly, her back story was far more touching than Flat Stanley's. 

Melissa year 1 of her transplant

     Sixteen years ago Melissa had gone to volunteer at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, and during the screening process, it was discovered that she had a chronic kidney illness that was undiagnosed at that time.  She underwent a myriad of tests, treatments and surgeries, but eventually, after 8 years,  her Focal Segmental Glomerulosclerosis (FSGS), caused her to need dialysis.  She chose to do it home and for the next 4 years, she did 10 hour nightly treatments, logging 15,000 hours of dialysis in that time.  She describes her life then,  as having 2 full time jobs, one of which was saving her life each and every night.  She was actually on vacation 4 years later when she got the call about Sean's untimely bicycle accident and death, and of his family's amazing gift of life.  They chose to donate Sean's organs and one of his kidneys had been designated for Melissa.  In total, at least 17 people were impacted by Sean's family's actions and each of them became like instant family to his folks, Andy and Gail.  I've not met any of the others, but I can speak for Melissa's gratitude and appreciation for the gift of life that she received from Sean and his family, and she does a fantastic job of keeping Sean's memory alive by traveling with him and re-telling the story of how Sean became her Hero and saved her life.  She actually does that and a whole lot more.

     In the conversation that night and in subsequent e-mails, I've learned that telling Sean's story is only one part of what Melissa does to give back for her gift of life.  She went to work for the transplant department at Hahnemann University Hospital in Philly.  She keeps in regular contact with Sean's family, including Gail his

One of Melissa's awards

mom, and in fact they speak together to groups sometimes, each sharing their side of what a donation like this can mean for the donor family and the recipient.  She travels each day with Lifesavers and Sean and recounts her and Sean's story whenever she can (She shares her Lifesavers too).  She takes photos of her and Sean and sends them back to Andy and Gail to show them how their son is still living through her and that he allows her to live a normal active lifestyle.  It's been 4 years since she received this gift of life and her gratitude and appreciation for this family's sacrifice and gift has not diminished one iota.  She had competed several times as an athlete at the Transplant Games, representing Philadelphia and Sean and has won awards for her participation. She has done local Public Service announcements, in fact you can view hers for the 2012 Donate Life Month here (Melissa's PSA )   She speaks publicly often and tries to educate people to the value of organ donation.  She's been interviewed on local TV, appearing with Sean's mother Gail ( CBS Interview). Don't forget, however, Melissa's in only one of the recipients who continues to live each day, due to Sean.  The recipient who received Sean's heart, for example, became the first heart transplant patient to have twins, how incredible is that?  Gail says it best about my new friend Melissa, however, when she simply states that "She has Sean's energy".  I never met Sean, but I guarantee that, that evening, I met his energy.

     I was reluctant, years ago to sign an organ donation card.  It was my daughter Molly who convinced me to do it the last time that I renewed my license.  Here in NY, your choice is designated right under the class of license that you have with a red heart and organ donor printed under it.  It was Melissa and Sean's story that reaffirmed that decision and I would encourage you to consider giving this Gift of Life too.  With this blog, I hope I've given you a look at how powerful a difference that this simple decision can make in many people's lives.  Share this story, it's a good one and a reminder to live like Melissa.  Smile, appreciate each day that God gives us, be grateful for the gifts we are given, and try to make a difference in the world.    Do it for Sean too.
 

Melissa and Sean.

    
    

Our Progressive Dinner

     I often talk about our family get-togethers in this blog, but this is one of my favorites that I haven't blogged about before, our progressive dinner. It wasn't our original idea, but that doesn't mean we can't take it and run with it, and if you like it, feel free to do the same...

5 of my 6 sisters

     Do little sisters ever truly have good ideas that aren't products of their older siblings efforts?  Of course not, we older siblings know this to be true, and it was true in this case too.  The idea of the progressive dinner is said to have come from my youngest sibling, She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, but clearly I had friends who had this kind of event, prior to our family starting it, and I'm sure I shared it with her, but because she is younger, she can take advantage of my failing memory and claim the idea as hers.  Give it a couple of more years and you will be able to wrap things I already own and give them to me for Christmas.  Think I am kidding?  Last summer I went into my garage and before I went off to Lowes to buy a new hedge trimmer, I glanced up and saw a brand new one on my wall that I had purchased the year before, but I digress, they say it was her idea, so I have to believe them.  What is a progressive dinner?  In short, it's a full meal that is split between houses so that each house is responsible for a single course.  Our family moves between 5-6 houses in the Canandaigua and surrounding area and spends about an hour at each place. We always do it a few weeks before Christmas and I would guess that we have been doing it for 15 plus years.

     In order to have a successful progressive dinner, you have to have a reasonable travel time to each location, so early on we eliminated my siblings that live in Rochester, Ithaca, Buffalo and Ohio from the

Antlers aren't required for the event, but.....

planned route.  We generally start at noon on a Sunday prior to Christmas, and move hour by hour to the next sibling's house.  We've had as many as 6 stops in the past, but lately it's a consistent 5, but that's not to say that the other siblings are not involved, they just show up for the event and add to one of the planned stops.  The folks that I knew that did a dinner like this lived in the same neighborhood and it was a walking event in the summer.  Ours evolved to a pre-Christmas event, which I like because we don't gather as a family or exchange gifts for Christmas anymore, but we always have the Progressive Dinner to look forward to.  The 5 courses are normally, appetizers, soup, salad, entree, and desserts.  If we have a 6th stop we do Holiday themed drinks or something like that.  We choose what course each family is doing each year on our family website, and if it works smoothly each family rotates what they do.  You are responsible for feeding just the one course to the folks that come and we normally have 30-40 in attendance.  It's mostly siblings and their families, but it wouldn't be a Yarger event without a few Klingons, oops I mean Cling-ons, the folks who come along with a sibling, like in-laws, boyfriends and girlfriends, friends, and acquaintances.  This harkens back to my Dad and Mom's tradition of always having room at our dinner table for whomever was in the house that day.  I can't tell you the number of times I've been in a bar (stop guessing numbers I'm not done with the sentence yet, and incidentally you are guessing too low) and talked to someone that has had the pleasure of sitting at our dinner table.  Speaking of tables, let me talk next about what we put on them each year.

     The house that does the appetizers has the best opportunity to be creative.  You would think, that being

Just a few jokers

as the party goes 5 courses over 5 hours, that the host house for appetizers would do one or two dishes and be done with it, but if you do think that, you just failed the test to be a Yarger.  I've never know anyone that did less than 5.  We've had cheese and crackers, swedish meatballs, stuffed peppers, stuffed mushrooms, mini quiches, vegetables and dips, rye boats, shrimp, bacon wrapped scallops, spanikopita, tortilla pinwheels, chicken wings, Italian sausage, cocktail franks, stuffed celery, and that was just last year's items from my sister Hummingbird's house !  Alright, I was kidding on that last part, but pick 5 or so of these and that's what the first course is like.  The soup course comes next and we've seen Italian wedding, chili, broccoli and cheese, corn chowder, chicken, beer cheese, minestrone, and one year I found the recipe for the Soup Nazi's crab bisque and made it.  It had to cook down all night, but it was fantastic, if I do say so myself.  That year we were contacted by the Democrat and Chronicle newspaper and they asked if they could attend and do a story on the event, which they did.  You see it's not only Cling-ons that we draw, it's Paparazzi too. The salad course comes next and we've seen things offered like, home-made croutons, dressings, bacon bits, different greens and chopped vegetables, it's all fair game.  It's a little more difficult to get creative with this course, but each year, the family never disappoints.

     The entree course, by far, is the most difficult course to do.  Remember that whatever you make has to be done and ready 2-3 hours after you leave your house, so it has to be fully cooked and be able to be held

Bacon wrapped stuffed pork loin

well or be thrown together or reheated in 10 minutes of you arriving early to your house.  The appetizer people have it easy as they are home to cook and watch everything, but the entree people have to really plan this course and execute well.  We've seen chicken french, pulled pork, scalloped potatoes and ham, stuffed pork roll, ziti and meat sauce, ham, and chicken dishes.  I can't remember them all, but trust me, if you had to do this course, you remember exactly what you did and how you did it.  This year I tried an eggplant and chicken lasagna bake that didn't quite work as intended.  My sons and I prepped it the day before, so all the ingredients were cooked in it, but it could have had longer to bake and to set up.  It had great flavor, but truly it was more like lasagna soup than an entree.  As I said that day however, I have to throw my family a bone like that, every now and again, just to prove I'm human, just like them. 

     We finish the day with desserts and some coffee or specialty drinks.  This is one of those courses where

Meter Maid with her contribution this year

the out-of-towners can contribute.  If they didn't bring an appetizer or bread for the main entree, they can make a dessert or two and add it to the table or bring along a specialty drink.  This year my sister Meter Maid brought jars of apple moonshine in mason jars, as gifts for each family, but admittedly, some did get opened and tasted during the event.  My wife and I are suckers for one Aunt's baklava, which by itself keeps the Rochester butter market in the black each year.  We've seen cupcakes, cheesecakes, brownies, Holiday cookies, pies, pumpkin rolls, death by chocolate, candies and any other desserts that you could think up.  One year I made deep fried cheesecakes and that came out much better than my chicken-eggplant did this year.  Maybe I should stick to desserts, but as is, I tried to take this course 2 years in a row due to my failing memory (Did I mention that already?).  This course brings an end to the event and we all roll off, back to our homes.  I didn't mention one of the benefits of when we hold this event, and that is the ability to see everyone's house decorated for Christmas.  That part of the idea was likely She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named 's contribution, but I can't say if she stole it from another family member or not, but I can say that it didn't come from me, though I wish it had.  That's the recap of my family's take on a Progressive Dinner, as I said in the beginning, feel free to steal this idea for your family, you'll be glad that you did.

My wife and daughter at the progressive dinner

Our year of living frugally.....

     2012 was a transitional year for our family.  We had notice that my wife's job of 10 plus years was ending, and she went the majority of the year without working. We experienced a drop in income of 30% and this is the story of how we not only weathered the storm, but thrived during it.

     My wife is a independent medical transcriptionist, or was, or is, or I don't even really know how to describe her anymore, I mean she still has that skill set, but no longer works in that field. She was fortunate enough, for years, to have enough work from a single client that paid her handsomely, and allowed her to work from home.  Her schedule was her own to make, she worked the hours she wanted each day and told them the days she was and wasn't available to work.  It wasn't a great business model, being an independent contractor with a single client, but truth be told, there was always work there, so why develop other clients?  It worked, right up to the end of 2011, when that client told her that they would be moving their work to a larger transcription company in mid January and terminated her contract.  She interviewed with the larger company, but it would have meant going back to the bottom rung of the work ladder, working some nights and weekends for less money, so we collectively rejected that idea, and prepared for a period of unemployment while she looked for a more appropriate job for this time in our lives.  With that industry going to more voice recognition software, overseas transcription, and electronic devices for capturing data it was a shrinking field, so we hunkered down and prepared for an indeterminate period of unemployment, but I don't think either of us suspected it would be almost an entire year.

What my wife used to do.

     We were in decent financial shape to start off with.  Contrary to what our current President would have us believe, we have always had money in savings.  While we weren't quite at the 3 months salary that is recommended, we had money in the bank, a company bonus pending, and some tax money coming back. As a saving strategy, we've always purposely overpaid our taxes each year and get a refund of $5,000 or so.  It comes to us right after Christmas, right when the 2nd semester college bills are due, and right before our annual vacation, so it's nice timing.  A sharp money man will warn you away from this savings mechanism, as you actually have to declare the refund as income on your next year's taxes, but it has worked for us for years in spite of the additional tax burden.  My bonus, though not guaranteed, is earned regularly, and we are smart enough to not pre-spend it, so that went into savings as well.  We had our pot of money, we only had to figure out next how long it would last us.  We spent some time recording where our money went for the last year and developed a proposed budget for the family.  It was pretty easy to do, you look at the bills that you pay each month and record them against your

net income and then see what you have left over.  On  the first go-round, we just recorded what we had previously spent and that budget put us in the hole about $2,000 each month.  Next we paid off some short term bills like a credit card and the final payments to an orthodontist.  We then attacked the rest of the monthly expenses to see what we could reduce or eliminate.  We slashed our entertainment and grocery budgets, we renegotiated our phone and internet, we reduced our fuel and electric expense, and we put off some home improvement and car upgrades that were planned for the year.  We weren't Draconian in our cuts on the first round and we didn't plan a balanced budget for our drop in income, we compromised on a -$800 shortfall each month and pledged to keep to it.  Throughout the process we included the kids, living at home or not, in our plans and asked them to share in the pain.  We had created a solid, reasoned, logical plan and the only thing left to do now was to implement it, which we did.

     I have had 2 periods of unemployment in my life and I was bound and determined to be as supportive of my spouse during her time off as she had been during mine.  She never doubted that I would find work and the right job, just not any job, and I had faith that she would do the same.  I also wanted her to enjoy her

At dinner in London Ontario

time off.  She had worked continually since she had been a teen, so I encouraged her to take this break and work on some long term projects and to enjoy some of the travel benefits that came with my work.  Our company policy is that spouses can travel along with you as long as the additional expenses aren't charged to the company.  That meant she could jump in the car on any driving trip and stay in my hotel room in that city, and only pay for her meals.  Her work schedule previously hadn't allowed her to take advantage of this benefit, but in 2012, she was able to on several occasions.  We went to 2 Canadian cities, NYC, Boston, and even extended a trip to Phoenix a few days to drive up to Sedona.  We used hotel and car rental points, and Group-ons for meals and when necessary dipped into our savings to supplement our travel.  I'd place us centrally in the city and work during the day and she would walk and explore the parks and museums and we'd get together at night and compare notes.  She would drive to the cities allowing me to work on my laptop in the car, so I actually improved my productivity during these trips.  It was a win-win and it gave her a break from all the job searching.  I've often said that the hardest job I ever had was looking for one, and I think Char found that to be the case too.  She would check the job websites and papers each

In Florida at my nephew's wedding

day, she'd network with people and go to job fairs and interviews, but the right opportunity never presented itself.  We were looking for the right fit, a part time, flexible position and one that would not require a lot of travel.  The interviews kept coming, even a few job offers, but not what we were looking for, so we kept to our plan and kept enjoying the time too.  We even were able to spend half a week in Florida as a family (sans Molly) and attend my nephew's destination wedding there.  The year was quickly coming to an end and we were on pace to finish with money in the bank and with smiles on our faces.  We were truly blessed to have been given this opportunity. 

     In the end she secured work, and being the over-achiever that she is, it's actually 2 jobs.  The first is a flexible transcription job, not in the medical field this time, and the second is an administrative assistant job, part time and walkable from our house.  Incidentally, both were gained from networking with friends (Thanks Lisa and Bruce).  The pay is fair for both and our budget is balanced again, but more importantly, they both allow the freedom and flexibility that we wanted.  Nolan has 5 years of school left, and we want to be actively involved in them.  Her mom works part time, and is aging, so she'll have some time to spend and enjoy with her, just as I was able to do with my mom, and it's time spent that she'll never regret.  So in 2012, we tightened our belts, we trimmed some fat and kept our eye on the prize, but we also made sure to enjoy the ride.  Not a bad year at all, even living frugally. 
    

I'm off this week with naught to do....

I'm off this week, with naught to do,
If I ponder this long though, it's never quite true.

Yes, I've officially requested and been granted vacation,
but there are things to do here, I'll give a summation.
Too many times, blank schedules get written
Then free time is bombarded, like the battle of Britain.

There's a honey-do list on my counter that's growing,
I should check the snow blower (in case there's some snowing).
There's Scout paperwork that's a little behind,
There's a few Christmas presents, that I have yet to find.

 I can gather my papers for my taxes are pending,
I can catch up on Dexter, please don't spoil the ending.
I can visit some family, who've been on my mind,
I could do charity work, Now that would be kind.

I've got work to do on a coming reunion,
I could work on this blog, that I call "The Ongion"
I'll probably keep up on my daily e-mail,
lest I come back to an epic work-fail.
There's a golf tournament that I need to start planning, 

I've got bones in my limbs that they say need some scanning.
If I am being truthful, there's 2 doc's a-waiting,
to prod and poke me with no tests abating.
I've a Christmas Eve party that needs some attention,
and some tween the sheets fun that I probably shouldn't mention.



I've college bills owing for my two oldest prog'ny,
I should exercise more to improve my physiology.
I've got at least one computer that is likely infected,
with those diabolical viruses, that can loom undetected. 
My youngest son needs a ride to the mall,
There's work to be done in the Garaj-Mahal

My cute kitty-cat needs to go the vet,
and my list is still growing, it's still not done yet.
with last week's events I should spend some time praying,
for those innocent souls with their families dismaying.
It's never too late to do some soul searching,
and to fill one's heart with good deeds til it's bursting.

To finish it off, I've an office to clean,
to get set for success in two thousand- thirteen.  
and our family budget now needs some adjusting,
cuz my wife's back to work and with pride she's a-busting, 

Yes, I am off this week, with naught to do,
But if I ponder this long, it's never quite true.

I'll miss the newspaper

     I'm a dinosaur, I truly am.  I hold on to things for sentimental reasons and am slower to change than the Catholic Church.  This week, however, I finally moved on from a one sided relationship that I have had for a while that I can only liken to being an abused spouse.  This week I broke it off with my local paper.

     It's been bad for years, but I've hung on hoping for it to get better.  I started reading my local paper at the age of 12 or 13 at the same time I accepted a job to deliver it.  I found great value and worth in the job.  It was good exercise, not only the walking but carrying the 100 or so papers in my shoulder bag, and I felt I was doing an important service, keeping the public informed with topical happenings, world-wide news and sprinkled throughout with human interest stories about my neighbors in Canandaigua.  People looked forward to seeing me come and waited anxiously to read the latest news, and they tipped me handsomely for delivering it properly.  A retired Methodist minister was known for putting full size candy bars in his paperbox as a treat for the carrier, and my last stop each day was in the kitchen of a retired veteran named Mr. Giles.  He would take a Boston Cream pie out of the freezer, cut two slices for us, and then we'd talk for a half an hour while waiting for it to thaw enough for us to eat it.  I shudder to think what a nice guy like Mr. Giles would be called today, the nerve of him, inviting young boys into his home and plying them with pie, but back in 77, that's how I ended my paper

route each day.  Is it any wonder that I have fond memories of the paper Since I have memories like this that connect me to it?  That's the problem with memories though, eventually you have to stick your head out of the sand and view the new reality and like I said, it's been going south for a while now.

     I don't think I was asking for too much, and in fact I didn't want the paper to change at all, I would have been happy in the relationship, if it had just stayed the same, but it didn't.  Each and every aspect of it that I had loved, changed for the worse.  The comic page that used to be 3-4 pages with big print with the most current strips, shrunk to half it's size, left the worst strips in and let the best ones go, added huge ads for closeout stores onto it and shrunk the print to the point that I couldn't read it, even with my glasses.  Why?  The front page that used to have hard hitting journalism, that was meticulously edited, became a repeat of the mornings news peppered throughout with misspellings, sometimes even in the headlines.  Sad when they let themselves go like that.  Then it was the missing pieces where a story would start on page 1 and tease you to page 6 to find

out the rest of the story, but sometimes I go there, and they would have forgotten to put in the end of the article.  It was like buying a garage sale book and finding the last page torn out, except that I wasn't buying the paper at a garage sale, I was paying a premium price to have it delivered, almost daily.  I say almost daily, not because they didn't publish on Saturday, that I expected, it was the occasional, "oops I forgot to bring you a paper today" thing  that became more of a regular occurrence than it should have.  I'd walk to the end of the driveway to come back empty handed, and that was the beginning of the end, because some days I didn't miss it.   It would come the next day, and it would go right to the recycling bin, too late, you can't take this guy for granted.  I have more self respect, but I'll admit, I did hang on a little longer, it was just never the right time to separate. 

     The paper kept getting more and more expensive and my budget was shrinking last year.  I already had a wife and 3 kids to support, and this mistress of mine was costing me over $230 a year and that was without tipping my sometimes errant route driver.  The paper kept shrinking in size and the adspace kept increasing.  They started putting in information from surrounding counties just to fill it.  I guess it's all right to review restaurants in Fairport or Perinton, but geez, could you toss a few in from Geneva or Canandaigua sometimes? They started a section where they asked local people to send in their photo's, and then printed them.  If I wanted to see the local people's photos, I'd go sit on their couches and watch the slideshows of their vacations like normal people.  They weren't fooling me,  they just didn't want to pay photographers anymore. I kept putting off the decision to terminate but a few weeks ago, the decision got easier to make.  First it was the article about the Culinary Center in Cdga that was half of a page of words, but truly told nothing of the exciting changes at the facility.  Ironically the article that followed a few days later in the Rochester paper did do a great job and went in depth to describe the new direction and plans for the center, but I had to go elsewhere to get satisfied with this information.  It made me fell dirty and cheap, but my needs were not being met with my home paper relationship  (I know it sounds like I'm justifying it....)  The second thing was the "Best of Ontario County" poll that they sponsored.  It was so lacking in information that it would have been tough to vote for most of the categories.  Waitresses were nominated, but no mention of the restaurant where they worked?  Why?  I was fortunate enough to get nominated as best blogger but they didn't research or tell people how to get to any of the nominee's blogs, including mine.  I did cancel my subscription prior to the results being posted and incidentally I didn't win.  I hope it doesn't sound like sour grapes, but the business that did win for best blogger and liquor store had a full page ad in the same paper where it was announced.  Call me cynical,  but if you'll selectively leak the results of a poll to sell ad space is it too much a stretch to think the poll may have been less than unbiased?   I don't know, but clearly it wasn't about educating the public about the winners, no pictures or bio's or any information was given about the winners.  Would it have killed them to send a photographer out to take some pics of the winners?  It clearly wasn't about them, it was about selling more ad space.

    So I'm out now and will soon receive my last paper. I'll miss it at first, but I'll replace it with something better, less expensive, and something worthy of the time that I choose to spend with it.  It will be a relationship not based on disconnected  memories of how it used to be, but one of equal value where I find new things to love about the practice each day and one that fulfills all my needs as a reader.  Hmm, I wonder if there is a decent blog somewhere out there that will do this?  I'll have to look.

They bulldozed my memories this week......

          I'm not one to live in the past...much.  This week, however, even knowing the inevitable outcome of an impending event, it still struck me a little deeper than expected.  This blog is about my history with a place that met it's end this week.

The lot last week

     I remember it first as Caruso's Restaurant.  I had a telephone sitting job at the home of the local funeral director (that could be a blog in itself), and he and his wife were regulars there.  Frequently I'd see the name and number on the chalkboard and wonder what the place was like. A few years later, I have a vague recollection of helping my brother Aquaman direct cars into their lot for an annual event near Kershaw Park.  Aquaman worked at the Colonial Inn down the street and if the restaurants didn't have shared ownership, they must have occasionally shared staff.  Truth be told, I'd spend more time at the Colonial Inn drinking beers on "Nickel Night" than ever eating at Caruso's, because around that time,they moved away from being a restaurant to strictly a party house.  They did that as well as they did the restaurant and that didn't stop me from dancing the night away there just a few years after that, with a girl who still had that "New Wife" smell.

     Caruso's opened in 1930 and moved later to what we now call Lakeshore Drive. Then it was simply called Lake Street.  Caruso's was named for Enrico Caruso, an Italian tenor, and it was just as classy as he

was back in the day.  What might be considered gaudy now, the place was gilded in gold with heavy curtains, a drop tiled ceiling and a long serpentine bar built into the west end of the restaurant.  In its prime it was difficult to get a reservation there on a Saturday night and the bar was 3 deep with people most weekends.  Classic cocktails, once common then, and never served now, flowed across it's length like water cascading over Niagara Falls. I'm told it had the distinction of being the longest bar in the State for a number of years.  Not a bad accomplishment, being able to fill the longest bar in the State, 3 people deep, is it?  It spoke to both the success of the restaurant and the need for such a place at that time in Canandaigua's history.  The Cusimano family that opened the place had the best reputation for homemade Italian food, served at Depression era prices, by loving family members in a beautiful lakefront setting. That's more than the trifecta of things that you have to get right to operate a great restaurant, and it's no wonder it's remembered so fondly by so many, even after all this time. 

     In searching for information on it, I came across the minutes of the Cdga Rotary Club from last year, and one of their long standing members mentioned how great it was in his recollections to the group.  Another

blogger from Rochester (In pursuit of Quietness) reminisces about her trip there in 1958 on Mother's Day and how her father made it a special occasion place for them.  She remembers it as being "fancy".  I suspect that if you polled the senior citizen's of Cananadaigua, the ones that grew up locally, every one, would have fond memories of both the place and the food.  I know I do, and I really remember it best as a party house.  The Fargo family would convert it to The Lakeshore House, Cdga's premier party house in the 80's and for the next 25 years hosted more events there than any other Cdga venue.  I attended lunches there when I was a Kiwanis member and countless members of my class had their wedding receptions there, my own included.  A classmate, Robin, tells me that I attended our 10th class reunion there too, but you couldn't prove it by me.  She says we sang "American Pie" together, but frankly that doesn't narrow down the location, crowd, or decade for me.  I'll just have to trust that she is correct.  She's not the only woman in my life who corrects me either, the one I took to our wedding reception at the Lakeshore House does that too. 

     We were married at St. Mary's Church, but we celebrated that day at the Lakeshore House.  The Rolls Royce pulled into the covered portico that ran along the east side of the party house and we disembarked to

I got the better deal, just look at her.

greet the 150 family and friends that attended.  No reception runs completely smoothly and this was the first time our two big families really met, but we avoided a brawl, in spite of my sister Hummingbird's constant inadvertent kicking of my new Father in Law's shins during dinner.  The Lakeshore House was known for many dishes including pasta and chicken, but I remember the Seafood Newburg the most. One of their long time chefs later opened up Pepper's Restaurant in Cdga and most recently Timmy G's in Penn Yan and I've never had a bad meal in either of those places either.  It speaks to the calibre of employee that the Lakeshore House had too.  Since we had picked the attendees, the music, the formal wear and the date, it was kind of tough not to enjoy the reception, and enjoy it I did.  My wife likes to tell the story of me singing at the top of my lungs as she drove all the way to Niagara on the Lake where we honeymooned.  I like to tell the story of what I did when I got there, but this blog needs to keep it's PG rating, so I'll tell that one in person.  Back on point, that day will always remain with me as the best day of my life and I couldn't have created a better place to have celebrated it than the Lakeshore House. 

     I'll finish, maybe not as expected, but with hope for that parcel.  I think we can share wonderful memories of a location, but allow for the fact that time does march on.  Business models from then don't necessarily work today, but that's not to say you can't create a place that will be equally as memorable for the coming generations.   That's up to the developers, and I wish them well.  Make it good enough and you'll have my business again, you see, I have a history with that place.