Tuesday, August 10, 2010

They call my brother AQUAMAN!

I have a brother, well actually I have 5, but this tale is about only one of them, my brother Aquaman.  The reasons for calling him Aquaman, are twofold, one will become apparent as you read through this story, and the second is, if this blog ever gets picked to become a book, movie, sitcom, or a psychiatric case study, I can screw him out of the royalties.  You will need a little background on Aquaman to set up the story, so I will start with that.

      Aquaman was born in the middle of the Yarger boys, he has no twin, in fact he has no equal.  He was not born intellectually gifted, but he was born with a kind heart and an unparalleled work ethic.  For instance, for a long time, he held 2 full time factory jobs, working 8 hours at one and then walking across the street and working another 8 hours at the second.  He likely had other jobs even during this time, as is his nature.  I've known him to deliver Chinese food and pizza, clean bathrooms on the Thruway, mow lawns, bankroll a friend's restaurant, detail cars, and most recently work at a local marina in Canandaigua.  He has the most endearing qualities, like signing his full name on your birthday cards.  I never ever received a card from him that did not end with "your brother, Aquaman E. Yarger" (this was obviously done to separate himself from my other brothers, Aquaman C. Yarger, and Aquaman H. Yarger).   He is quick to give of his time, talent, and even money, and has been taken advantage of over the years a time or two, but he quickly forgets that.  Superheroes are like that.  This story could be about the time he ate a can of peaches before he drank beer, so he would not get sick from drinking.  A "kind" friend had told him that "fact", and amazingly it had the opposite effect, and for a while we called him Peaches.  This story, however, is about his recent adventures as AQUAMAN.

     I first heard of the legend of Aquaman, from another brother who had heard I closed down the Sandbar in Cdga one evening.  While I often resemble that remark, in this instance I had been traveling and it was impossible to be in 2 places at the same time.  I wondered which brother had impersonated me, as I am the barfly brother.  I got my answer within a week, as a ran into my brother Aquaman at one of his other jobs and he recounted the tale.

     When asked if he happened to be at the Sandbar that evening, he freely admitted it, and added that he had swam over there from the marina (He even swims to Squaw Island).  He explained that people who own boats sometimes buy him drinks after he finds their valuables in the lake.  He hung his head sheepishly and said "Yeah, they call me Aquaman there because I can dive for so long and am so good at finding things"  He continued to tell me of an instance that had just happened the evening before.  I ran into a guy walking down the dock, he said, and the guy said he was looking for Aquaman.  My brother replied that he indeed was Aquaman, and asked how he could be of assistance.  The gentleman told him how he had lost his keys under his boat and had searched for two hours but could not find them, and someone had told him to go in the marina and ask Aquaman for help.  I've noticed that people are reluctant to ask superheroes for help, and this case was no different, it took a while longer for this man to seek out Aquaman.  My brother quickly offered his assistance, and although the gentleman was skeptical, he accepted it, and into the water my brother dove!  Within 5 minutes he emerged and popped up on the dock with the set of keys firmly in his hand (I actually picture dolphins assisting my brother out of the water and him flipping in the air to land standing next to the guy).  Another successful mission for Aquaman! The gentleman was extremely grateful and I am sure told the Aquaman tale to many of his friends. 

     The next adventure, I heard from my sister, and this one is entitled "Tim McGraw meets Aquaman". It seems Tim was in the area for a concert this year and my brother had the duty to check him out of his slip at the marina with a rented boat.  The conversation follows....

Aquaman:  Everything looks in order, just be sure to have it back by 7.
Tim McGraw:   No, buddy, I'm going to bring it back by 8:30. 
Aquaman: Sir, that's not our policy, you really need to return it by 7.
Tim McGraw:  Sir?  Son, don't you know who I am?
Aquaman (checking his clipboard): Yes, you are Mr. McGraw, so Mr. McGraw, please have the boat back by 7.
Tim McGraw (wearing his trademark hat):  I'm not familiar to you at all?  (Sings a few lines of a few songs) How about these?
Aquaman:  Mr McGraw, they are nice, but no they are not familiar, and you still need to have the boat back by 7.
Tim McGraw:  Maybe you could check inside and let them know Mr. McGraw needs it for a little while longer.
Aquaman (running down the dock in short shorts likely): OK, I'll be right back....
Aquaman (After returning from a short conversation with his boss):  Alright, Mr. McGraw, they said you could keep it out a little longer. 
Tim McGraw:  Thank you son, would you like my autograph?
Aquaman:  I'm not sure what I would do with it, but sure go ahead.  (I am surprised that my brother did not offer to swap autographs at this point, because clearly Aquaman's autograph would be more valuable that Mr. McGraw the boat renters)
   And as Tim McGraw motored out into the sunset, Aquaman returned to his patrol on the dock.

     So ends these tales of my brother, Aquaman. You can be sure that further adventures await, but as I close I invite you to see the wonder of Aquaman yourself.  If you find yourself some evening, enjoying a cocktail at the Sandbar, and you here splashing in the distance, find Aquaman, invite him up, and buy him a beer, but hold the peaches. 


Anonymous said...

Raymond says these are like the vanity cards that are written at the end of some of the CBS sitcoms by Chuck Lorre. But as your sister..I think you are funnier.Pege

Stacey said...

Is the Tim McGraw story true!!! Seriously!! :)

Bill said...

but would you think me funnier if we weren't related? I'd hate to have my fan base limited to 12.

Stacey - Absolutely, this blog is 100% truthful, except in those instances where my memory fails me.

Anonymous said...

You definitely are funnier and I am not your sister, I'm your cousin.

Terri Carey said...

Love this story - love my brothers