Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I'm not Easy, but I can be had......

     I recently read the attached article about George Soros using his wealth to influence a variety of media outlets to take more liberal stances, and to slant their coverage. (Click to read about George Soros) Now, I could get upset and rail about how the press is supposed to be unbiased in their coverage, and just present the facts without their political opinions mixed into it, but I honestly think that, that ship has sailed a while ago, plus it makes me no scratch. 
Here, then,  is my solution.       Dear Mr. Soros, I write a blog with a few hundred hits each week, and below is my menu for selling out my beliefs.  You can pick one or we can do a combo special, and take 15% off if you pick two or more (even billionaires can't resist a sale).

$10,000 - I'll support the Theory of Global Warming What?  We don't call it Global Warming anymore, it's Climate Change now? OK, so I will support the Theory of Global Climate Change.  I'll even stop calling it what it is, a theory, and starting pretending it is proven fact.  I'll then pretend, that while no accurate climate model is even close to existing, nor has the theory been proven, that I have the absolute solution, which coincidentally coincides with most liberal platforms.

  I'll preach of the dangers of driving big cars, and eating beef, and using refrigerators to store our food.  I'll hamper "Big" business in every way possible, oh except if it's Chinese "Big" business, I'll give them a pass.  I'll overlook the ice flows that are growing, and post pictures on my blog of the ones that are shrinking.  I'll appear at any natural disaster near me, and claim that it certainly was caused by the Global Climate Change Crisis (see how I used "crisis" to make it appear like we have to act more quickly and not wait for the actual facts and data to support us? That's a freebie, no extra charge. ) I'll fudge the data too, Lord knows with the Crisis we are in, we have to steer the uneducated to the solution, so I can easily rationalize this, like most of the other supporting scientists have.  I'll coat birds with oil for photo shoots, I'll sell Carbon Credits to "Big" Business and boycott those who don't buy them, Hell I'll even support the use of ethanol from corn, even though we all know that makes no scientific sense at all and drives our food prices up.   I'll have to practice saying "profit" like it is a four letter word, but I can get it.  All this will cost a mere $10,000.

$15,000 - I'll promote the necessity of a larger government with more control and power.  I'll ignore all the history that shows how a society like this cannot prevail, and the numerous warnings against it from our forefathers.  I'll come up with catchy phrases to promote it like a BOGO (buy one get one) sale.

New Govt building under construction
 Hire one new government employee, and you'll get the second one for free, or at least they'll be "free" for the first year with a "grant" or something, but added to the payroll later. I'll use my best scare tactics so people will actually be afraid to not vote for a bigger government.  I may put in to make myself one of the employees, it will have to be a no-show job though, as I need the time to blog. 

$25,000 -  I'll support Obamacare.  Even though we have laws in existence that makes sure no one is denied services at hospitals, I'll jump on the band wagon and insist that everyone (except those 1000 companies among his supporters that have waivers), purchase health insurance that they might not need, want, or can afford.  I'll strongly argue that this one size fits all plan is the true one, even if it does ignore all the costs associated with healthcare litigation.  In particular, I'll tout the Free Canadian Healthcare plan as a workable model even knowing that it is far from free, and is co-dependent on the worlds best health care system, the US.  (The fact is that 90% of Canadians live within 100 miles of a US border and use our system to save themselves when they would otherwise perish due to inefficiencies in their own.) Can I get this one in cash?

$50,000 -I'll wage Class Warfare convincing all that the rich didn't earn their money, have no claim to it, and have an obligation to give it away to those we deem as less fortunate.  Instead of recognizing the welfare cheats, addicts, and ne'er do wells that help to populate the system, I'll find an example of someone who is down on their luck that everyone can relate to, and put them up as the face of the poor and downtrodden.
Statistically this will be harder to find but even a conservative like me knows that they exist.  I'll help to define who is "rich" too, drive an SUV? Rich, Send your kid to private school?, Rich, Have a great health plan? Rich, Own your family home? Rich,  Can afford to get a full tank of gas? Rich.  This is actually kind of fun, now I know what God, whoops, I mean President Obama feels like.


I'll help lobby to remove the incentives for employees that do find better ways to improve, so that everyone is equal, well, mediocre, but equal.  I'll replace Teacher of the Year with participation awards for everyone.  I'll chase the volunteers out of firefighting by lobbying for laws that attach a ridiculous amount of training to the jobs that they volunteer for, part time, so that every small town firehouse will have paid fireman and supervisors living there, 24 hours a day.   I'll put policemen in every school, ooh let's call them Resource Officers, and fund them for free for a few years too (Wait, what? Man, every time I get a good idea....)  When the school, fire and police stations operate and serve the public as efficiently as the DMV, I'll know my work is done.

$5,250,000 - I will agree that the path to making the US work is to open wide our borders, tax half of the populace more and the other half not at all (maybe even give them rebates when they haven't paid taxes, What? Dammit!  I'm going to stop trying to think of new things....) and to remove God from our money, public buildings, and our lives.  Sorry for the large price tag on the last one, but if successful I'll have enough money to move to a more democratic country, like Canada.  Don't worry though, I'll still visit, when I need medical care. 


timbob said...

I think you need to raise your prices a little. With the taxes you'll surely have to pay on this ill gained windfall, you want to make sure you have enough left over to make it to Canada and take lessons in French so you do not get caught my the language police in Montreal.

cdyarger said...

All I can say is OUCH!! Have you left any segment of the population out? Or have you offended everyone? I do agree with SOME of your sentiments, though!!!