Tuesday, September 13, 2011

My wife has dimples on her rear end.....

     One would have to be pretty secure in his marriage to start a blog with a title like this, and I am, but this blog is not about how secure I am, it's about how secure and unpretentious my wife is.  She does have dimples on her rear end, and I don't think she minds them, at all.  
My wife, the time she dyed her hair.
I have offered to have them "fixed" but she always chides me about the unnecessary expense, and the needless time it would take to have it done, so she will continue to have dimples on her rear end. She's not into "body" work in general and she thinks more people notice her front more, but as someone who follows from behind often, I think it's a toss up.  She's very cavalier about the dimples saying things like "That's how I know it's mine, when I see them" or "You won't see them anymore after you trade it in for a newer one".  She might be the funnier one in our marriage, I know if she had a blog, I would be her most faithful reader.  She's not even upset that my girlfriend doesn't have them on hers, but in fairness my girlfriend's is smaller.  I think a fair amount of women would be embarrassed to have them, but not my wife, she's been known, on occasion, to even show them to our guests.  She takes entertaining to a whole new level.  It thinks it's also natural to lay the blame on someone else, and in this case, my wife is no different, she blames my daughter Molly for them.  I always insist that she must share in at least half the blame for them, but I can freely admit that Molly was a contributing factor.  Husbands should be like that, supportive, but not afraid of calling a spade, a spade either. 
                     That's why it bears repeating, My wife has dimples on her rear end, of her minivan.

     How did this happen?  How do these things ever happen?  We were at at afternoon summer party at a dear friend's of ours, several years ago, and we had parked the van on the lawn next to several others.  Molly had wanted to borrow it quickly so Char gave her the keys and off she went.  In fairness, the van was on an incline that made it difficult to see what was behind you, using the mirrors, and the truck that she backed into was black and hidden in the shade of the tree next to it, but the end result was a collision between the two vehicles. 
The aforementioned dimples on the mid-right
The big truck's bumper put half a dozen dimples in the mid section of the rear lift gate, but no damage was done to the truck.  The owner of the truck was very gracious about it, and we didn't find it necessary to report it to either insurance company.  As mentioned previously, we looked into having them banged out or fixed, but since they didn't effect the functionality of the rear lift gate, we left them alone.  So it's been 3 or 4 years now that my wife has had dimples on her rear end of her minivan.  I was reminded of them last night when we went out with my girlfriend and parked near her Crossover vehicle and noticed the smooth polished curve of her rear end, and the absence of dimples (What? I told you it was smaller).  Back on point though, I have an very unpretentious wife. For those not yet married, I'd recommend holding out for one of these, they make your life a lot easier and enjoyable.  To give fair time on the quality of an unpretentious husband, I can't really comment, as I don't have one of those.  I'd ask my wife to comment, but I don't think she does either.

     The Bible speaks on the value of an unpretentious or virtuous wife and says, depending on the version, that she is more valuable than rubies or pearls. 
Geez, Mrs. Cleaver, you look lovely tonight.....
That guy Lemuel was sharp, and Solomon was wiser to listen to Lem's mom's advice.  Think of a Wally Cleaver/Eddie Haskel relationship here, cuz didn't Eddie always get advice from Wally's mom too?  Sure he did.   If you read Proverbs 31, you'd get an apt description of my wife and our relationship, I think.  Let me illustrate....

 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her    (Yup) 
She will do him good and not evil, all the days of her life. (Pretty true, she does "Do me Good", but not every day, we'll have to work on that)
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. (Wait, What? We can count the work willingly with her hands bit)
She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.  (This is crazy true, we live in Hall and she has to shop in Geneva)
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens  (She does get up at 4:30 each weekday (to worketh willingly) and the meat part was all true up until Molly became a Vegetarian.  
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.(Ok, it's a garden not a vineyard, but she drinks the fruit of the vineyard often)

      I could keep going with these, but I think you get the picture. I could talk about how she can't spend money on herself (she'll call me, pondering a $20 dress decision, while I am drinking a $30 martini).  I could speak to the sacrifices she makes to provide the children what they need, or me for that matter.  I could talk about her simple taste in home furnishings, and a slew of other things, but if you have met Char, I really don't need to keep going, you've seen it first hand.  I've taken this blog as far as I can, and still have her be modest, so I'll close with these thoughts on my unpretentious wife.  I may have talked about the dimples on the rear end of her van, ad nauseum, but Char has the final say.  When I ask her if she minds them, she says " Not really, they kind of match my ass".  Love you dear. 


Stacey said...

Ok, seriously Bill, you need to write a book! Also, I love the picture of Char! Where can I get the blue bottled Corona's? !!!

cuzdee said...

Great blog about a great lady!

Tor Constantino said...

Bro, that's a howlingly good post!

cdyarger said...

I am truly humbled! I can only say that I am who I am/how I am due to the many blessings in my life! My parents raised me well, I have some wonderful siblings and in-laws, my children are awesome, and I have great friends! Add to that the fact I was lucky/blessed enough to find the perfect mate, and there you go - that's the recipe! Thank you honey!

Oh, and I better not catch anyone trying to sneak a peak at my dimpled butt, LOL!!

@ Stacey - sorry you have to go to Canada to get those! Different labeling there!