Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The internet IS controlled by Cats

     I am a creature of habit, and this includes my internet surfing.  When I sit down at the computer each morning, I have my regular list of sites which I visit.  They include Facebook, my family's website, a couple of conservative news sites, a few blogs that I follow, my bank, the world debt clock, and finally my guilty pleasure, TMZ, the celebrity gossip site.  I treat the last one like dessert, if I finish all my others, then I get to check out TMZ that morning.  A few mornings ago, they ran a short video interviewing Ray William Johnson (the comedian who reviews videos on YouTube), and something he said sent shivers down my spine.  He was joking about the popularity of his videos that include cats, and he suggested, tongue in cheek, that cats have some sort of influence on the content of the internet.  I went to sleep that night with that thought still on my mind, and sometime during that 6 hours, I had my epiphany when all the thoughts gelled....  The internet IS controlled by cats.

You know he ate those ducks, right?
     Nothing else makes sense, after you think it through.  The amount of cat content on the internet far outweighs their social significance. I'm a cat lover, new this year, but even I am amazed at how much bandwidth gets devoted to these creatures week in and week out, and it's almost on every site.  Take Facebook, for example.  How many of your friends posted pictures of their cat yesterday (I have a niece that almost does it hourly, hey Angie)?  Pictures of cats, peeking out of tight spaces, with wet faces with cute sayings posted beneath them, sleeping in curled up balls, and doing a host of other things.  It's astounding.  There must be a graph somewhere that connects, length of time on the x axis, and you posting a video of your cat chasing a laser pointer on the y axis and I suspect they meet quite early on.  Don't we all have a friend or two from High School that won't post their own profile picture, but will put one up of their cat?  Sure we do. Why?
I think the cats killed them and took over their accounts, that's why.  It would explain the weird status updates from them like "I slept all day, today" or "I'd take a bath but my tongue is too tired", point is, you should query these friends with trick status updates like " the dog did the cutest thing today " and see if they "like" them, just to be sure they are still alive.  YouTube is even worse. Videos of cats playing keyboards, with rolls of toilet paper, playing peek-a-boo, watching tennis matches, wrestling with each other, all abound with millions of hits, but are they really that funny?  Nope, but they are everywhere.  The whole process must be controlled by cats.   Why are there so many cute cat videos and pictures up on the internet, but the only ones of dogs "being cute" inevitably involve dogs sniffing each others butts?  If this isn't cat propaganda, I don't know what is.

     So how do they do it?   I haven't got it all worked out but it has something to do with the hours on end that cats disappear each day.  Did you ever notice that, you look everywhere and can't find your cat?
Hidden snapshot of cats on duty
I think they go to secret cat lairs and power the internet on treadmills and upload some of these pictures and videos.  Don't you always eventually find them sleeping under a chair or something?  It only makes sense if they were out exercising, but why hide it?  Exactly.   They don't want us to know.  There must be a division that implants subliminal messages in these pictures and videos too.  I know I've shared some of these with friends, only to go back later, and think "Why did I do that?"  The cat, that's why.  Hell, I even blogged about cats prior to this (See - There's a cat in my house ).  Did I want to? No, but I did, sneaky cats. 

     I need to finish up now, as my cat Nibbler keeps walking by and seems to be checking out what I am writing.  Over this next week, take a look at the internet, your Facebook, YouTube, and then tell me there isn't something going on.  Nothing else explains it.  I'm headed out on a trip, which is the only reason I've got the guts to post this theory.  You think it is coincidence that every time they find a dead body in a home, there are cats around?  Exactly. 


ur son said...

Keyboard cat was out before the internet was ruled by cats!

cdyarger said...

Nibbler is now SLEEPING on the computer keyboard - I think she is on to you!!

Daphne Mays said...

It does explain a LOT! Once again, it will be interesting to see if you return to blog again! One of these days you might not show up again if you keep playing with fire!

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