Tuesday, December 17, 2013

An ode to the alarm clock at the Hampton Inn

     Tongue pressed firmly in cheek this morning, I offer this ode for those new alarm clocks at the Hampton Inns and Hilton's that seem to have every feature and instruction on them, except how to set the time correctly when it is wrong, and it is frequently wrong. 

                   An ode to the alarm clock at the Hampton Inn

The sale has been made and the hour is late,
the day hangs on me like a leaden weight,
clothes get strewn in a path to the bed,
where I hope to soon lay down my head,
a last glance back to the lock on the door,
to insure that my slumber will be secure,
then as I start to untuck the covers,
what is this that my eye now discovers?
The glowing red time on the nightstand is wrong,
Is says 6:03,  but that time is long gone.

I sigh as I realize, I've been here before,
why the maids do not check this, I'm really not sure?
but experience tells me I'm in for a fight,
cuz it got lots of buttons to ponder tonight,
there's 2 buttons to set the alarm to and fro,
and volume adjust buttons located below,
there's an alarm on and off  on the face, to each side
these all seem important to not try and hide,
there's a radio on and there's just a plain, Enter
I'm getting annoyed now and afraid I might dent her
The last buttons there lets you adjust your station,
Can you see now why I've got all this frustration?
The instructions emblazoned and so clearly imprinted,
are all alarm focused, could it kill them to have hinted?
At how to set the damn correct time?
or at least sync the zone with meridian Prime?

I check out the top and there's no relief there,
it's a big row of buttons and now I don't care,
A check of one side shows a total blank pane,
I'm ten minutes in and I'm going insane, '
on the other side, it gives some advices
on how to plug in my music devices,
but  I've got no help in my ongoing mission
to set the right time and for help I am wishin'
I could call the front desk, but they always will stammer
That the maintenance man can come up with his hammer,
but it's very late now and I've got no affection
for men from "the slow and incompetent" section.
I've got no time for those endless delays,
and besides I'm attired in only PJ's. 

As a last ditch effort I check the back and the bottom, 
But as to instructions, it still doesn't got 'em.
I next randomly try all the odd combinations,
but  all I can change is alarms and the stations. 
I grab my Iphone and place it aside me,
to the correct time, I know it will guide me,
I turn the clock round, and I give up the fight,
If only I slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night. 


Paul said...

I agree they are sometimes frustrating. Phone system was out at the hotel this morning so my wakeup call was a knock on the door - who does that?
Don't know about you, but one of my pet peeves is rental car companies that don't change the clocks in their cars for a couple of weeks after Daylight Savings Time - hard enough to keep up with the different time zones without having to think about the clock time on the dashboard.

cdyarger said...

I recall being with you at one of the Hamptons and having the clock set to the wrong time. I was sure you just did not know how to set it. After 15 - 20 frustrating minutes myself, I ALSO just used my cell phone! Ah, I long for the old wind up alarm clocks!!!

Anonymous said...

This is so very true...coming in at 2:00am after a night of fun and a few drinks...only to attempt to set the wake up time and possibly the correct time...20minutes later I am almost sober now,very tired and need to get up early for a meeting! Ok back to square 1, now where did I leave my cell phone!!!

Anonymous said...

Author's Note: A year and a ahlf later and I have just discovered how to do it. I stayed at a Hilton with my wife and she pried the top off from the darn thing and sure enough, the time set button was located below. Be forewarned all the springs beneath the radio selection buttons fall out and you should memorize the order in which they go, but you now know. Hold the time set button and move the plus or minus arrows to set the time.

Anonymous said...

Well, it's July 2016, and this problem still hasn't been fixed. I just spent 30 minutes faffing around trying to set the time on The Hampton Inn radio alarm clock. My mood was not enhanced by my wife's helpful comments such as "why don' you use your cellphone" and "why don't you just turn clock round so it's not facing you, if it annoys you so much".